Rosehaven
I feel the cold rush through my hollow bones
Every time I stare at your side of the bed
And I keep finding pieces of you left behind
Like the strands of hair that you shed
A day late
I started writing because sometimes I cant tell people how I actually feel, and I dont need them to feel sorry for someone like me and this is my outlet to escape my pain I’ve been in even if it’s only for a few minutes
I’ve gotten really good at making everyone think Im ok
but in reality im anything but fine
as I sink to the bottom of the ocean
the last bit of breath leaves my lungs
as these memories flash through my mind
all I can do is hold back the tears and the lump in my throat
I don’t know where it went wrong but I know
I know that I caused it, and I know I have to live with it
as I live those memories in the last few seconds before everything goes black
I just wish everything was back to the way it was
how everything used to be
and how I wish you could see what this has done to me
I let the fear grow inside for too long and it ruined everything we had built
and all that’s left is pictures, and notes
and your voice constantly swimming through my head day in and day out
I cant give this love to anyone but you
I cant live with the fact you’re not here anymore
and that’s what hurts the most
this ever present darkness looms over me like a rain cloud
just making everything I do worse
because I cant forget you, not with everything we have
I’m in a constant state of hell
and I wish I could fix everything
believe me I would
but if I know one thing for sure
there is no body else id love other than you
I miss you
I miss you everyday, its been extremely tough, people say it gets easier but I know that’s not true, because I know what I want
skull from a grey fox skull I cleaned up for someone that is very near and dear to my hear still one of my favorite pieces yet
well its been a while since ive been on here,
And way too much has gone on and I feel like this is atleast I can let the thoughts in my head out, so if you read this good on ya if not no worries.
Ive been in some bad spots in my life but being diagnosed with depression is not something I ever saw coming, when people say mental illness isn’t anything, it does make my blood boil because you have no idea what that person is going through, so just because they seem happy on the outside, doesn’t mean they are fighting a war on the inside, I deal with it everyday, I admit I’m a mess and ive messed up a lot.
been listening to a lot of bands like more than life, light your anchor, and counterparts, a lot as of lately and just listening to the songs and reading the lyrics, a lot of it hits home for me, and ive started to realize that when you go through some fucked up shit, and stop coming around you really find out who is really supposed to be in your life, and who was there just for a short period of time
That leads me into this, these past 3 years have been an up and down for me, I lost a family member to cancer who battled it for 12 years, Ive wanted to disappear and never look back, I had the best relationship I could ever ask for, they accepted me for who I am and put up with all my shit that I did, I pushed them away and thought I lost them forever, came back into my life and got back together a year later like nothing ever happened, and splitting up only a couple months ago, and I am still at a loss for words, they mean the world to me, and I would do anything to have that back, to sit on the beach and go fishing, and see the smile cross their face when they catch their first long nose gar all by themselves, wake up next to them and just have lazy days and eat BLT’S from WaWa. I miss everything about them, they are always on my mind day in and day out, their is no one else I would rather be with, when things get bad no matter how hard the situation is I would always stay by their side through thick and thin forever because I love them more than I could ever say
